The flats on the terminals of the letters (u, m, p, h) give it some dissonance. Maybe that's intended. If not, then I would suggest making those terminals have more organic ends.

Thanks for the suggestion, aluminum!
It was bothering me as well, but your second opinion forced me into seeking some solutions for it.

Here's a modification. At the moment I'm not sure about the top terminal of the m, and the bottom terminal of the h is bothering me a bit. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

*Further modifications: a less robust p, spacing increased between o and n--considering tighter spacing between u and m

I like the attitude a LOT.

I like the tight tracking... but maybe it's just a little too tight?

Most of the glyphs are on the edge of condensed. Is the "p" too wide in context?

R\V

Thanks for the kind words, Robby.

My intention for the tight tracking is for it to fit prominently on an album's label without having it shrunken down too much, as it's a pretty long word.

I did condense the p a bit in the 2nd iteration shown here. Do you think I should narrow it a smidgen more?

Edit: Before you even read this David I am humbly trying to help. My background is in hand lettering

You are mixing styles David. Part of it is italic(Arrighi) and part modern (Bodoni) or even Old style.. I think that is where the disconnect comes in for me. Look at your branching... they do not match. Look at your bowls... they do not match the other letters. The u does not reflect the h, n and m. The e,r o and p do not match the m,n, and h. The bowl of the e is way to large. And the r is a script r... based on the n,m,h it would have to be an italic r.

Choose what style you are trying to convey. Don't get me wrong, I like where you are going it just has to have continuity.

Michael

Thanks for the advice, Michael.

I personally think a design like this allows for some mixing of styles, but do agree with you that the bowls should match with everything. Harmony with the curves, weights, heights and kerning are the most important to me. The label covers different styles within a semi-specific era, so I think some mixing of typographic styles may not be too harmful, and may hopefully give it some character. I originally had more of an italic r, but it seemed to stagger the rhythm a bit.

I am curious about how the u doesn't reflect the m, h, and n. This is definitely not the only thing I do, so I appreciate hearing what stands out to you.

If you take the u and turn it upside down and flop it you will see how different it is from the m, n or h. They are more angular (in their branching) whereas the u is more round. It should be obvious once you do this.

Sorry, just trying to help.

Michael

I don't see a need for a sorry. I hope it doesn't appear that I'm taking offense to your help, which has been valuable.

I thought I could get away with a more round u, but after rotating a branch from the n, I see that it looks more cohesive and controlled.

Here's the very latest iteration:

David~

So many times I have watched these things go through the Typophile committee process.

This IS a great committee to be processing things through and I think it is cool that you are dealing with everything everybody is saying.

But I think you might be losing some of the original innocent charm your first design possessed.

In the end, I hope you take a breath and look back at where you started. Obviously, you know what you are doing -- that was a darned nice piece of art to start with.

Hopefully you evaluate these opinions (with added salt) but trust your own instincts.

R\V

i have to agree with robby. although your latest version is beautiful, just be careful that you don't lose that hand-drawn feel. I don't think you've lost it yet but it would be a shame if this ended up looking more like a font than hand lettering.

Also, the N reminds me so much of musical notes without being overkill...its perfect.

What caught my eye was the rhythm of the bottoms of the letters, if you drew a line to rest your characters on, some would dip slightly and some almost twice as much... That doesn't seem right. I would say, nothing should dip lower than the o's, for visual reasons.

Does that make sense? There seems to be a lack of consistency.

Maybe this will help illustrate what I was saying... I'd move the strokes up and enlarge the o's slightly, to create that optical illusion that the o's aren't squished into an invisible box. Even the bottom strokes of the u and r could be slightly shifted upwards

This is a pretty piece. I think you've carved out a stylistic space where the bobbly baseline doesn't really offend.

My eye keeps being drawn to the space between the p and the h. Could it be because those are the only two letters not joined with an exit/entry stroke?

Since this is a logo and not a font I can see some leeway in the consistency of the letter shapes. And as I go back and re-read Michael's crit he does say they do not have to match. The bouncy baseline does not bother me so much, it seems musical. You do say you want to create a well-crafted script logotype with some hand drawn quirkiness. It's up to you to determine the balance between well-crafted and quirky. The one thing that appears discordant to me, is the o with a line through it. It looks like a character from a Cyrillic alphabet. ф The overall impression I get is Russian music not American folk & blues.

Thanks everyone for giving your eyes to this.

@Robby: I think taking a step away from this and returning to it would be a good thing (it's only been 48 hours since its initial rendering). I do feel that the more refinements that are made, the less charm it has, but the control does become appealing in it's own right. It will be good for me to understand for myself just how much control there should be. The logos for many of the labels releasing blues and folk music on 78s have a very innocent charm to them, but at the same time it is apparent that the lettersmith behind them is trained and skilled. Though charming as they are, they're definitely not heavy-handed.

examples:
melotone
panachord
superior
brunswick

I agree that this is a great committee to process things through, and what I take from it is very valuable, especially when it comes to the little nip/tucks. Though some things should be taken with a grain of salt, I do appreciate tremendously what more experienced folks have to say. I'm always looking to learn and understand my own limitations.

@asvetic: good point in making the o's a bit larger. I do like bobbling baseline, but limiting the occurences of the swoop down would make those occasions more powerful and less sloppy. ie. raising the connecting stroke of the m, but leaving the e and h.

@pica: there's definitely something happening with the p-h. I think creating the stop there helps the eye in reading this correctly, and the descender/ascender matching is intended to unify the letters to each other. Though, I am unsure of the bottom-left of that h. It leaves less white space than every other letter-to-letter connection.

@kirsten: my intention for the line through the o is to signify the numeral zero, known to have a slash-through at times. I am however sensitive of my own association with labels ending in 'phon' being of eastern-European origin.

Progress to come shortly!

Presuming this is meant to be on 12" vinyl labels have you tested it out at the correct size for them yet? A 12" label is just 4" diameter, so you can probably fit this across 3" without the centre hole cutting anything off. Do you think you might lose the fine stroke of the r and the one across the first o at that size? Even on a CD you couldn't be much wider than 4".

I love what you have done. To me the o's also have a music notation look and I like the fact that they look like type where the rest looks hand lettered.

I don't have the knowledge to critique this, but I will say that I LOVE the general idea.

Sharon

I second Sharon: this is a gorgeous logo, and your’re clearly busting your butt to make it super-fabulous.

Very charming logo, nice work!

-----------------------
Michael Browers
www.michaelbrowers.com

the N seems to be pretty lonely too. With some refinement as presented above this will rock (even more) - and in an old-school vinyl kinda way!

it'd also be great to get the images posted to fit in a single post without having to scroll sideways.

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Paul Ducco
Motion Design Melbourne
Bicycle Film Festival

it’d also be great to get the images posted to fit in a single post without having to scroll sideways.

If you right click and press "view image", you can see the whole picture without any side scrolling. Atleast you can in Firefox.

like the logo .
and nice edits so far