First off I’d say the linked ’L’ & ’i’ look like a ’V’, so I don’t know how you’d address that other than to separate them. Other than that I could have potential IMHO.

JH

Trying to do this “without much knowledge of calligraphy” is like trying to write a song without much knowledge of melody. I am a fan of enthusiasm and do not condemn you for trying, but I think it is imperative, if you wish for this to look very good, to spend more time gaining more knowledge of calligraphy and working with nibs. Why not? You’re bound to enjoy it, and it is the most fundamental step you could take to gain a better understanding of how to do what you’re trying to do.

Ok, i’ve done some changes already... here it goes... please comment it.
I’m doing a curved baseline but... i’m not much happy with it, maybe it is the next change... and maybe that “c”

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

i didn’t see the replies.
@jazzhustler - i already thought about that, the ligature isn’t working as i expected and it comes from the initial idea of ligature all the text but yes, maybe i’ll separate them
@koppa - i already ordered some books of calligraphy, i don’t have much knowledge but i do have some, i had one year of typography studies some knowledge i do have or else i couldn’t do anything and i wouldn’t know the 45º technique... In my way of seeing, knowledge comes with books and so but it comes with experience too! For example, i think i improved from the first sketch to this second one...

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

I would definitely change the way that swash emerges from the bottom of the “c”; it’s making it look like an “s”: try starting the swash with a sharp angle, or a loop, or losing it altogether.

Apart from that: what Koppa said.
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Ever since I chose to block pop-ups, my toaster’s stopped working.

Stick with it. You’ve got to lose that li ligature. I don’t think there’s any way to pull that off without it looking forced. The gracefulness that’s missing here can only be achieved through practice practice practice with a nib or brush.

ok... i’m seeing now the replies and it seems i was thinking right.
@dtw - you gave me an idea with that sharp angle, never thought of it. about the loop, tried, doesn’t work but... i found another solution when i broke L and I ligature, so lets see what you think.

Still have to angle that second part of the H, there are some issues about weight of stroke but that can be easily solved when passing to the fontlab. I don’t know about that T.
I feel other thing... it isnt... smooth, soft and sensual ... like it wasnt a custom type! maybe more swashes or something, maybe swashes on H and L ... what do you have to tell me on this?

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

noticed now... Y has a too long descendent don’t you think? even stretching up descendent of P as i’m thinking and the ascendent of H and L, Y still not ... smooth.

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

I think your ending swash should come from the “c” as opposed to the “i” - the swash crossing the “c” looks out of place. Perhaps the stem of the “T” could echo what’s happening on the stems of the “l” and “i”. What is your thinking for having the finish of the “i” swash dip nearly vertically down?

And the “o” shapes should probably take a few hints from the “p”’s bowel shape - the “o”s need a bit more heft. Right now the “o”s feel a bit out of place to me.

bemerx dont forget that this is a drawing then on digital things like the “o”s are going to be changed... like the weight stroke of all letters. the other message i didn’t understand, sorry... sometimes i lack of english...

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

Here goes one new version... still not in love by that T and i don’t know about the swashes of H and P.

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

Ok since i’ve seen some problems on T, P and H i reviewed the problems.
Still have some problems on P and T, especially on P, T i think it is because of the weight of the stroke...

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

Why don’t you try with the correct shaped pen? That way all the weight will be in the right place, unlike the scratch technique which can be a bit misleading…

the problem is... i’m left-handed. i tried with my ArtPen 2.7mm but it isn’t easy, anyway, i already are aware of that problem and asked my father to write himself. I took half an hour to explain him the idea of how to use/draw on that and now i just have to line on top since he doesn’t draw for a long time, still have to smooth and so on and on.
In a while i’ll scan and get the work here.

I’ve changed letter P too.
Please, critiques, i need more critiques!

Thanks for comments, all comments are welcome.

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

Make sure you post an image!

i will.
i need critiques so... i will!

Joel Santos // youremin
sound & visual

Joel,
You are well on your way.
The idea (presumably your belief) that you’ll somehow get it right once you’re working with beziers instead of ink and paper will disolve within an hour of working with beziers. You must understand what’s happening right in front of you (on paper) and you must understand bezier curves, which takes time, before the two will come together and work for you.
On critiquing: You’ve put up a rough for critique. I suggest you self critique until you feel like you’ve arrived at a finished product, and then turn it in for review. Learning to self critique forces you to be more honest with yourself as a designer. Waiting until you’ve concluded the design before seeking the review of your peers ups the risk of damage to your ego considerably, is more rewarding to us, and ultimately is more rewarding to you.