Comic Sans and Arial walk into a pub,
the barman takes one look at them and says,

"We don't want your type in here".

First one made me wince (sorry!), but the second one's a killer - laughed out loud!

What did the a say to the @? "You've got to get out of that shell of yours."
What did the 0 say to the 8? "Hey, nice belt!"

"What did the a say to the @? “You’ve got to get out of that shell of yours.”"

but then the @ retorted, "but then I might atrophy!"

ChrisL

A postscript to this type of thread, Hiro, letterRIP!

ChrisL

A pair of parenthesis walk into a bar. Lots of curly braces and other parens paired up around the place. One nudges the other, and points out a pair of square brackets in one corner.

"Watch out, I think those two are narcs."

Guy shows up at the cathouse he usually visits to see the gal he usually sees. It's snowing slightly on the Bowery and a grizzled old man sits on the stoop next door. The Madam answers the door and as she closes it and welcomes her client, she also shouts for the old man to go away. The john goes upstairs to his usual gal and they start to figure out what they want to do "this time." She suggests the shower. "Nahhh" he says, "we did that last month. "The upside down thing," she proposes. "Like last week?" he says. It starts snowing more heavily as they make their way out of the window and onto the roof. "We've never done it outside, much less in snow," he points our as he lowers his drawers. They start in on it as the snow begins to accumulate heavily and she's starting to get really into it. They go and go and go until they are nearly exhausted and though still connected are nearly buried in the snow. Finally he finishes but it's so cold now they've frozen together covered in frozen snow and sweat and can't fit back in the window. Stumbling around while still connected on the roof he slips off and she along with him to crash, frozen in position into a snow drift on the street. The startled old man lurches out of the way, and up to the cathouse door which he knocks on. The Madam answers and shouts at him again, "Go on, get out of here, you are never coming in my house."

"I don't want to come in," he shouts over the storm, "I just wanted to tell you, your sign fell down."

It is a type joke! Edward de Benguiat told it to me once when I was young.

I actually remember that joke! I didn't hear it from Ed though.

ChrisL

Two “i”s walk into an hbar. The first i says. I was just ticketed for j walking! The second i says, eszet so! As long s you didn’t get a rested, you can put yourself @ “e”s.

ChrisL

knock knock

Who's there?

A

WHO'S THERE?

-=®=-

Forgive me for this one. It's based on some late-night designer punning.

A tarted up blonde walks into a bar. The guy at the next bar stool immediately starts hitting on her, he buys her a drink, starts boasting about his cool wheels outside. When he goes too far and puts his hand on her ass, she throws her drink in his face and stalks out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy "Hey buddy, you gotta show the ladies some respect". The guy replies "Her? She was just some bembo."

That is what every Geralde and John say :-)

ChrisL

A list of font/design jokes.

There's probably some lame joke to be constructed with a period as a character and a "why are you always finishing my sentences" punchline.

Well this thread monopolized my lunch. (That's not the joke).

Proforma and Beowulf, long time friends, meet in a crowded street corner. Proforma looks at him, shakes her head and says "You've changed a lot since I last saw you."

Window's Verdana meets Mac's Verdana at a party and says, "Who the hell are you!?"

Comic Sans meets an incomplete typeface, just having A, B and C, lowercase and a few figures. They sort of hit it off though and end up later that night on Comic's couch where he begins to grope after her sweet A. She grabs his terminals and says, "You're a cute funny guy, but if you want my sweet A, you'll need to do my H and O first."

Hill and Barack finally fine time alone together and they hit it off while Bill is off on a 'fact-finding mission." They awake together in her pad and after he's scrubbed her floor and is making her coffee, they start comparing campaign literature. He looks at hers and says, "Gotham?" She says, "No, I only have eggs and toast."

There once was an em from Nantucket,
who shipped Barack in a lead bucket,
He tried UPS but their sans caused a mess,
So he figured he might doubletruck it.

ChrisL

Q: What did the period say to the lowercase i?

A: "You need to get down off your i horse."

Here's a groaner...

David Berlow walks into the offices of (insert name of recently redesigned magazine). The receptionist says "Haven't I seen your face around here?"

Trade Gothic is sitting on a bar stool. He's regaling the other patrons with all sorts of arcane trivia. He basically seems to know everything and just won't shut up. Finally the bartender turns to him and asks "when did you become such a font of information?"

a font of information

Finally something to smile about!

Dwiggins is standing on a ladder changing a light-bulb, while Goudy is holds the ladder steady. In walks Oz Cooper. Oz exclaims “WADs up?!” ;-)

There is a new revival of Cooper Black rolling on to the market which only contains ordinals. It is called Mini-Cooper.

ChrisL

Eric Gill walks into a bar... n

-=®=-

-=®=-

Did you hear about the French script-font piracy case? The judge declared a Mis-tral.

Linotype planned a press conference to announce the new monolinear version of Times. A journalist running late arrives after the press conference has started. Fritz, the burly Linotype security guard blocks his way. “They’ve started already?” asks the reporter. “Sorry”, replies the guard, “the Sans of Times waits for no man”

How do you get to meet a type designer? Tell the web designer that your burger is still frozen and you want to talk to her manager.

All the usual suspects are auditioning for Gary’s next film… Frutiger, Univers, Gill Sans, etc., are all there. Meta notices someone is missing… “where’s Myriad?” Helvetica replies; “she’s not coming, doesn’t want to be type cast!”

Oh Brother, Where Art Downer?

Don't Raise that Crossbar---Lower the Hyphen!

j a m e s

Two typographers stand outside a cineplex arguing over which movie they are going to watch.
"We should see Hrant and the Master of the Univers," says Linda, "I heard the accents are very convincing."
"Have you lost your side bearings?" Chris opines, "Those accents were lifted from Eth Becomes Her."
"Ah yes, but everyone knows that was an unlicensed remake of Comma and Her Sisters"
"You mean The Thorn Birds."
"No! When Harry Met Serif."
"Maybe you're thinking of The Ntilde Strikes Back?"

They go on squabbling for several hours until the manager appears and tells them the theatre has closed for the evening. "You know what this makes us?" says Linda, "A Victim of Circumflex."

j a m e s

“They’ve started already?” asks the reporter. “Sorry”, replies the guard, “the Sans of Times waits for no man”

I love it. Good one, sii.

Here here. The Sans of Times takes the cake!

Regarding your avatar, Mr. Daniels: Tough loss on Sunday, 'eh? Sure looked good from SW Wisconsin! Poor Holmgren. GO PACK GO!

"How do you get to meet a type designer? Tell the web designer that your burger is still frozen and you want to talk to her manager."

I don't know whether this is :-D or :´-( actually...

Chris - thanks!

Mr Koppa - hope Mike will be back as coach next year. Go Mariners! ;-)

aszszelp - so what type of web design work do you do? ;-)

Si,
Yours were brilliant as usual, thanks for the laugh!!!

ChrisL

Si, maybe the Steelers and Seahawks can play in the "Also Ran" bowl? :-)

ChrisL

Chris, that sounds like a good plan. I'd suggest a neutral venue like Detroit? :-)

Last one (for now), this in the LOL Cats style...

Pic from here

"neutral venue like Detroit"

Not the way refs there do coin toss! :-)ChrisL

H&FJ with a nice visual gag - http://typography.com/ask/showBlog.php?blogID=67

2 fonts walk into a bar and the bartender said "Sorry, but we don't serve your type here". So then they called the Serif.

A riddle for you.

Do you know as this font is called?
A screenshot; I wrote ß, ä, ö, ü, € – the result is

So then they called the Serif.

Support Your Local Serif.

The safe use of Comic Sans!

j a m e s

Solution of the lil riddle is:

They called the font "Babelfish".

Sorry to revive this thread... two font jokes amongst 50 from Australia's top comics - who'd have thought?

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/life-and-style/got-the-giggles-want...

I met a couple who spoke WingDings just the other day :-)

ChrisL

Around pub closing time no doubt :-)

I thought of a better headline for that Brisbane Times piece...

"Warning: Australian Comic's Sans Quality Jokes"

I like it, Si!

ChrisL